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TheAnimatorOfficial's Coaster Talk

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Ride Reviews: Star Tours-The Adventure Continues (Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

Star Tours: The Adventures Continue is a 3D motion simulator attraction located in Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Disneyland, and Tokyo Disneyland; the one in this article is located in DHS. It opened on May 20, 2011, replacing the 23-year-old Star Tours, an attraction the continues to operate this day at Disneyland Paris, and is a guest favorite. So, let’s get started and review this seemingly real ride through the Galaxy!


Themeing: 5 out of 5
The Disney parks are known for their well themed rides, and this one is no exception. Guests enter through an Ewok village on Endor (other versions are themed to space ports), making their way under an Imperial Walker to the entrance, where they become space tourists in a spaceport terminal, with advertisements a large LCD screen advocating the virtues of flying with Star Tours. Seriously man, the themeing is everywhere.


Fun Factor: 4.5 out of 5

The ride itself is pretty fun. The various drops, turns, and other things that happen depending on what sequence you get out of 54 possible ones. The best part comes at the beginning, when the storyline (delivering a rebel spy to safety, and this happens no matter what) is revealed and the rebel spy is revealed- a guest chosen by the ride operator, whose picture is presented during the ride. The only negative aspect of this ride is that you might get motion sickness; ride descriptions range from “turbulent” to “tumultuous”, and they’re not kidding- saving rebel spies from the Galactic Empire isn’t exactly a walk in the park.


Operations: 5 out of 5

Operations are smooth, to say the least. The queue offers tons of stuff to look at, from advertising posters to the luggage-scanning droid cracking jokes about the contents, and both lines move pretty quickly, although FastPass lines move quicker.

Our verdict is, if you can conquer that crazy feeling in your stomach from the motion sickness (just close your eyes), spaceship chases through the cosmos can be pretty fun! There’s a reason the ride (both versions) is/was so popular!

Final Score: 5 out of 5! TheAnimatorOfficial Approved!

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Coaster Reviews: Shockwave (Kings Dominion)

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Yeah, yeah, we know. Shockwave has closed down already (August 9th, 2015 was its final day of operation). But today we want to tell you guys who haven’t ridden it or have sentimental value to it JUST HOW BAD IT WAS!!!! This is so you don’t go crying to Kings Dominion to bring it back. So without further ado, let’s review this heaping piece of metallic crap.

Theming: 0 out of 5

What theming? Besides maybe a lightning bolt on the logo and the vibrant paint scheme that, admittedly, stands out in Candy Apple Grove, we have no idea as to what this is themed to. There are no images or any props to be found. It’s laziness at its finest.

Experience: 1 out of 5

The drop and loop are (relatively) smooth. That’s it. After that loop, it goes into a rough airtime hill (without any actual airtime) and then drops into a helix that makes the ride akin to a medieval torture device. But it gets worse from there. You go through a series of bunny hops that will throw you around in every possible direction, thrusting every part of your body on hard plastic. After another painful turnaround, you go through those bunny hops again until you jam into the brake run, giving you a concussion. I was crying “ow, ow, ow!” and the “good riddance!” at the brake run when we rode it on its last day of operation, and it wasn’t much better for Jason. Heck, even the lift hill is rough. EVEN THE STATION IS ROUGH!!!! The main reasons why this coaster is unbearable is because one, the transitions were most likely designed by an abused braindead chimpanzee on crack, and two, the friggin trains! You basically sit on a tiny bicycle seat, causing discomfort to your reproductive areas, then a bar comes up to your waist to crush those areas even further, ensuring that you will never have children. And if that’s not enough, tiny over the shoulder restraints are forced upon your shoulders, neck, and chest, once again, crushing you, up until they are further forced upon you by an ultra-tight buckle. I’m surprised nobody has been choked to death by these restraints. Finally, the operator adjusts the height of the seat to further ensure your experience is as deathly as possible. “Good riddance!” is right!

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What have they ever done to you, Kings Dominion?

Elements: 0 out of 5

These are some of the worst “elements” on any coaster in the history of mankind. The loop isn’t the roughest but it’s not forceful or fun either. The hill after that, like I said before, has no airtime. Just pain. After that, you enter the helix of death. pretty self-explanatory. None of those bunny hops I mentioned above deliver even an ounce of airtime either. What a waste of metal!

Thrill Factor: 0 out of 5

If painful meant thrilling then this would get a 5 out of 5. But it’s not. There’s no fun in riding a death machine.

Operations: 0 out of 5

Shockwave always has long lines. And it’s not because it’s popular. It’s because the operations are THE WORST!!!! It takes so long for everyone to get jammed into their harnesses and or the coster to go up its 1 mph lift hill that you end up passing out because of all that time you had to wait in the sun.

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Rest in pieces Sh*twave!

My verdict is, be VERY glad that Shockwave is gone! VERY VERY glad!!!!

Final Score: 0 out of 5 (KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!)

TheAnimatorOfficial Rating System

AmusementPark

When we review of any coaster, attraction, or theme park, we implant a rating system that will vary per type of medium we are reviewing, composed of different categories. The rating for each category will be on a scale from 0-5 (yes, we do do zeroes). It may be relative to the intention of the ride/park at times. Some scores will be multiplied due to importance. Our categories are below:

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Coaster Reviews:

  • Theming
  • Experience (smoothness) (x2)
  • Elements (x2)
  • Thrill Factor (x3)
  • Operations

The_Haunted_Mansion

Attraction Reviews (dark rides/other non-thrill rides):

  • Theming (x2)
  • Fun Factor (x3)
  • Operations

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Park Reviews:

  • Theming (x2 for theme parks)
  • Location
  • Ride Selection (x3)
  • Operations
  • Experience (landscaping, cleanliness, food, etc.) (x3)

At the end of the category rankings, we will find the average of the scores by doing the multiplications if needed, adding up every score to get a number, and finally dividing that number by the number of categories. Whatever we are reviewing will receive a final score, rounding to the nearest whole number. We will also provide an overall message for the score it earns as follows:

0: KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

1: Don’t bother.

2: Do it once.

3: Worth your time.

4: Cherish forever!

5: TheAnimatorOfficial Approved!!!!

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